B"H
Parshat Vayera, November 16, 2019
Excuses or abuses, pick a side
Hundreds of people braved the Florida weather this past Saturday night to hear Dennis Prager say all the things they wanted to hear. This Wednesday, 11/13, the shul is offering a very different talk by Genendy, a sexual abuse victim who will discuss abuse within the orthodox Jewish community. Unfortunately, the number of reservations for Genendy are a small fraction of what we had on Saturday night. I believe this speaks to the discomfort most people have with this important issue.
While some of Prager’s views may be partisan and his philosophical outlook on Judaism questionable, his pro-Israel advocacy is a unifying force. Therefore, we don’t mind listening to him even if we may moderately disagree. For many of us, listening to issues of sexual abuse is akin to scratching a chalkboard. And yet an hour of being uncomfortable is a small price to pay if it raises our awareness of this serious issue while also giving victims of these heinous crimes the comfort of knowing that someone cares.
Thinking it's a shanda and disgrace does nothing to alleviate the problem. Abuse is an epidemic that affects tens of thousands of innocent children but it’s often kept hidden and quiet. They have little say or clout and thus limited advocacy and support. In addition, the perpetrators are typically someone the child knows and the child’s understanding of what they are experiencing is confusing. Please realize, this is not a Jewish issue but it does negatively impact our Jewish boys and girls as well. Recently we heard Larry Nasser, the gymnastics doctor abused hundreds of girls. Jerry Sandusky an assistant coach at Penn State was convicted on 45 counts of sexual abuse. And closer to home, Malka Leifer, the head of religious girls school in Australia has 74 charges against her in Australian courts. Sadly, she with the help of her community escaped to Israel and has yet to be extradited. I have no solid statistical data but fear that many of our children who were sexually or physically abused by their parents, relatives, or teachers turn to drugs as their only escape. I can share too many stories of charismatic youth leaders and well respected rabbis charged with sexual abuse, but the saddest aspect of these incidents is how long it took the community years to address them. Community leaders were more concerned for the perpetrators and families then they were for the victims of the abuse.
In Torah Temimah, a yeshiva in Flatbush it took over 30 years of continuous accusations to finally allow the police to get involved. For over two decades, Chabad in Australia denied numerous allegations of sexual abuse in their Yeshiva and the truth only came to the fore after an official royal enquiry into the allegations. A few months ago at SAR, one of the premier Jewish schools in Riverdale, an assistant Jewish studies principal was found to filming boys in compromising situations and threatened to expose the pictures unless they acquiesced to his sexual demands. Why is that happening over and over again? Because the families of victims are themselves victimized and often pressured by the community to remain silent. They are often subjected to isolation from the community and reciprocal allegations. Often it's the most vulnerable that are targeted for abuse; the dysfunction in their family life serves to embolden the perpetrator.
They need a voice perhaps more than anyone else. The State of Israel definitely needs the diaspora but the State of Israel will survive even without the support of the diaspora. (Israel has been doing fairly well despite the fact that American Jews are no longer that supportive.) These victims have no voice other than ours.
Therefore, I plead on behalf of our children to show them that we care. Let them know that they no longer have to be fearful to openly express what is happening in our own backyard. Let the perpetrators be put on notice that we will longer be silenced into a de-facto acceptance and tolerance of their abuse. To save a life is important but ensuring that a life doesn't have to be saved is far more important.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Jack
My Healing Journey From A Childhood Of Sexual Abuse In The Orthodox Jewish Community by Genendy, Wednesday, November 13, 2019, 7:00 PM - 9:00 - CLICK HERE
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