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Parshat Matot-Masei, August 3, 2019
Thoughts for the Nine Days
Did you ever notice how often people jump to conclusions or assume the worst before knowing all the facts? I am guilty as charged and am disappointed with myself for falling prey to accepting what I hear without enough skepticism. As a Jew, I am overly sensitive when Jews do something wrong and can’t help but feel slightly accountable for their misdeeds. I know it's not rational, but if I joyfully share in their successes, I also have to share in their downfalls. I am delighted when the State of Israel wins on the battlefield and even more delighted when they are victorious on the political stage. I swell with pride when an Israeli flag is draped around an Olympic gold medalist and shed a tear of joy when the Hatikva is played in an unfriendly arena. On the flip side, my head bows in shame when a Jew is caught in a scandal or when the State of Israel or its citizens act improperly.
Not surprisingly, I was devastated reading the accounts of a young lady from Great Britain who accused 12 young Israeli tourists of raping her in Cyprus. The Cypriot police put out an arrest warrant for all the boys and the scandal was just beginning to grow. When some of the boys managed to flee the country, it seemed to verify the victim’s charges. Obviously, there were denials by some of the boys and admissions of a consensual relationship by others but I was convinced of their guilt and believed: when there’s smoke there's fire. I had no doubt at all that at least some if not all of the boys were guilty of observing these heinous acts, if not actually participating themselves.
Fast forward a week and lo and behold everything that was reported was proven to be ‘fake news’. The 19-year-old British young lady recanted her allegation and all the Israeli boys were exonerated. It makes one think, how often we too may be absolutely certain about a situation only to find out that our entire premise was based on erroneous information. And no, I’m not referring to the mundanity of investing in stocks that your broker swore were almost guaranteed only to go all in and bust. I’m referring to loving relationships dissolving and business partners becoming embroiled in bitterness due to being certain about matters that were based on false or mistaken assumptions. I know siblings who refuse to communicate anymore and parents who disown children based on nothing more than unproven hearsay.
Unfortunately, not everything I hear is hearsay and uncorroborated; sometimes words are spoken and intentions are clearly enunciated. Situations exist where there is no room for error or need for clarification. Politicians and world leaders make statements that can’t be ignored. Iran openly defies the world and especially its European allies by enriching even more uranium and targeting vessels in the open seas. Their fleeting acts of aggression will lead to even greater acts of violence and the world must take heed before it’s too late. Just a few days ago Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas announced publicly that the Palestinians will no longer abide by previous agreements made with Israel. The Palestinians may be skeptical of Abbas having the conviction to stand by his word but Israeli and Western leaders must listen clearly to what he is authorizing. Speaking to senior provincial officials from the ruling Justice and Development Party (AKP) in Ankara, the Prime Minister of Turkey, Recep Erdoğan said that “whoever is on the side of Israel, let everyone know that we are against them.” Erdogan has decided with conviction to move away from fostering stronger relationships with the west and is now currying favors from Russia and other terrorist countries. And even our own politicians say things that are in my humble opinion frightening as well. Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders said he would “absolutely” consider cutting U.S. aid to Israel to pressure the Israeli government to act differently (Or the way Bernie Sanders thinks they should act). He continued by saying “Our policy cannot just be pro-Israel pro-Israel pro-Israel. It has got to be pro-region working with all of the people, all of the countries in that area.” (In other words, in his opinion, Israel is not and has never been an ally of the United States and thus should be treated no better than countries who cheered on 9/11 and danced around while burning American flags). Of course, I would never tell you who you should or should not vote for but at least know what the candidates’ positions are on important matters.
Sometimes I'm conflicted and find it hard to fully assess what I’m hearing. And being wrong can have dire ramifications. Yet, hatred is often clearly disseminated with tenacity, clarity, and vindictiveness and leaves little for me to assess. While sometimes it behooves us to be a bit Solomonesque by proverbially cutting the baby in half. On one hand, never steadfastly hold onto a position without validating the facts and on the other hand, never fear those who call for subservience and acceptance when the facts clearly indicate that your positions are correct.
However, when it comes to our mishpacha, our family, opinions are motivated by ideals that preempt assumptions or evidence. Especially significant is that before we leave the house and countless times throughout the day we utter the words ‘I love you.’ We generously express these sentiments to our spouses, parents, and children even though sometimes we aren’t sure our sentiments will be reciprocated. Children may seem incredulous and ungrateful, yet we generously counter with words of endearment. We may be tired after a hard and trying day but when we see our spouse we ignore our personal difficulties and express words of endearment. Parents may on occasion act in a manner that may seem embarrassing or trying on a child’s independence, but regardless of what is said, the mutual love proves paramount in overcoming most issues.
On Tisha B’Av, the ninth day of the Hebrew month of Av, Jews collectively mourn the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Bear Bryant, the legendary coach of Alabama football was doing a commercial for Bell Telephone. (I know I’m aging myself.) He asked Americans to phone home to tell their loved ones, ‘I love you.’ But before he could get out the words, with tears streaming down his face, he whispered to no one specifically, “I wish I could, I wish I could.” We mourn what we no longer, but we have to rejoice in what we still have. We mourn the Temple, the exile and the countless generations that were lost to the Jewish people but we have to embrace with love so that have overcome the odds and remained part of our family.
To be blatantly honest, I believe my lack of conviction of the innocence of the boys stems from an inherent lack of love. Imagine that instead of 12 strangers they were our/my children who were being questioned in Cyprus. Would i doubt their innocence or be quick to condemn them? Love is transforming; it can miraculously alter our sentiments. I would not only believe in them but more so, vociferously defend their innocence. Imagine the negative impact of a child hearing a parent continuously saying, ‘I hate you’. The berating will undoubtedly leave indelible scars and have dire consequences on the child’s future. Conversely, imagine the potential benefit of uttering ‘I Love You’ to that same child every single day. The benefits will be mutual; it will help the child feel secure and confident which will help them reach their potential. And it will allow the parent to hold onto the only dream a parent ever wants: to love and cherish their children.
The Talmud states that Tisha B’Av was caused due to man's uncaring indifference to one another and Rabbi Kook explains that it’s remedy will be when people are once again devoted to love and care for each and every person. Indeed, Tisha B’Av’s ultimate purpose may actually be to highlight mankind’s potential to alter the way our brain processes information. It asks of us to refine our thoughts and allow them to always pass through a filter of love. By doing so, Tisha B’Av will ultimately change from a time of sadness to one of joy and revelry. May we all experience this transformation very soon.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Jack
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