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B"H
Parshat Balak, July 20, 2019
Budapest
Once again I find myself on a plane with ample time to ponder life and contemplate matters that usually lay dormant. Many people find it difficult to deal with issues that are sensitive or problematic and often place them on the back burner. However, it can be emotionally beneficial to tackle issues head on rather than bottle them up. So I decided to take my own advice and use my time in the air to tackle some issues that have been on my mind:
1. Not all of God’s laws make sense to me nor is everything you read in the Torah rational or easily comprehended. God may have logical reasons for enacting His legislation, however, we are not always privy to His mindset. For example, I don’t keep kosher because I believe that eating pork or non-ritually slaughtered animals is inherently unclean. I eat kosher despite the fact that I can’t comprehend a logical reason for paying twice the price for inferior quality meat. It is one of those matters that defy logic, other than a side benefit of uniting Jews throughout the world in a most beautiful way. Last Friday night we prepaid for our meal at a restaurant that catered to kosher tourists. We first attended the synagogue next door and my wife met a family from New York who also needed a kosher Shabbat meal. In a brief few minutes of chatting we realized that they are my brother-in-law’s first cousin. Obviously this is not the reason we keep kosher but something similar happens on almost every trip. As an aside, as soon as we landed in Budapest we were greeted at the airport by Chassidim in their full regalia, while on the way to our hotel we drove past little Jewish kindergarten children with Yarmulkes. It seemed that every other tourist was Israeli and Hebrew signs in stores and cars were a normal sight.
2. Judaism isn’t inherently sexist, but many rules created by the rabbis were, and still are, insensitive to many women. This probably had less to do with biblical mandates or rabbinical thinking and more to do with broader societal influences at the time when rabbinical legislators reigned supreme. To better understand my position, a parallel can be made with Christopher Columbus and our country’s founding fathers. We laud them for what they accomplished, albeit cognizant that today those same acts would be unconscionable. For example, we celebrate Columbus for finding America and claiming it for Spain and downplay his treatment of its indigenous people. We respect George Washington and the other great men who served this country with bravery, dignity, and respect, while acknowledging that certain rules and laws established two hundred and fifty years ago are blatantly racist and sexist. Their behavior in the context of the time in which they lived were deemed appropriate and thus shouldn’t lessen our appreciation and respect for how we think of them. However, there would be zero tolerance for leaders who would embrace or enact similar legislation today. This philosophy is how I relate to many rabbinical opinions and legislations. In the context of the time it was acceptable, however today, a similar ruling would be inappropriate. Unfortunately, I have zero influence to constructively engage the powers that be and therefore will limit my opinions to what I personally can try to do. Furthermore, many people (including members of my own shul) are afraid of any change as they believe that all practices that they have been accustomed to are halachically mandated and sacrosanct. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth as often their personal customs and practices were also based on societal norms and not religious mandates. I believe everyone is entitled to have a belief, however, no one should be entitled to maintain that belief if it is proven to be fallacious, wrong, or dehumanizing of others.
3. In my version of a utopian society, everyone would see politics and religion exactly as I do. However, being a parent of three amazing children I quickly realized the futility of my utopian dream. On the contrary, I delight in knowing that each of my children are unique in their own special manner and I would hate for them to give up that uniqueness and mirror my thoughts. I believe this to be true not only in my personal life but also in my professional life. Some rabbis enjoy serving a homogeneous membership and strive for a community that are in sync with his values and ideals. I, however, would never take a position where everyone agreed with me. How boring! I crave the mental stimulation in justifying my positions and enjoy interacting with those who challenge my thinking. Moreover, I believe, it is imperative for our Jewish survival that we grapple with different viewpoints and the people that posit and adhere to them. (To be continued on #4)
4. One of my greatest fears is the assimilation of many Jews which, if left unchecked, can lead to the demise of Judaism as we know it. Some groups successfully counter assimilation by being insular and avoiding any interaction that could lead to assimilation. The chassidic and ultra orthodox yeshiva world both adhere to that formula and have been relatively unscathed by the ravages of assimilation. However, being relatively unscathed indicates that even the ultra orthodox can’t claim total success and eventually that protective dam of insular isolation may crack. More importantly, the majority of Jews are not ultra orthodox or chassidic, so the question remains, what can be done to mitigate the current situation? Questions are far easier to ask than answers are to find. Substantial communal and private funds have been allocated to try and limit this downward spiral of assimilation. Some minor successes can be attributed to Birthright programs, Kiruv organizations and other Jewish groups that work at universities. However, no solution seems to be the ultimate answer as successes pale in comparison to the rate of assimilation. One solution based upon personal experiences is to use the rabbinic philosophy that whoever saves one life is saving the world. Thus the approach would engender a philosophy of embracing each Jewish soul as the single most precious entity, where every Jew is made to feel special regardless of their attitude and commitment. I think it requires a strategic shift in our mindset with an attitude of forgiveness and understanding instead of condemnation, criticism, and disengagement. I think the generation that sat shiva when, God forbid, a child intermarried is no longer a constructive deterrent. Today, it will accomplish alienating the child you love further away from Judaism. I think it’s time to admit our failure and try something new. It’s time we overcome our zealousness and decide to love every Jew regardless of whether they commit the gravest of sins. I think when a child decides to intermarry the parent has two options. The first option is to be outraged and refuse to have anything to do with the non-Jewish spouse. This path has been the acceptable path for thousands of years. It no longer works and accomplishes only severing your relationship and ending any hope of your child and their non-Jewish spouse finding the beauty of your religion. The other option is unconventional and definitely not what my grandparents would have done. It is the option of being internally disappointed but externally loving and embracing both your child and their partner. It is the option that may appear to some as selling out to the inevitable but it is also the option that keeps communication open. It probably won’t result in their renewed interest in Judaism but then again, isn’t it worth a try if one truly believes that ‘whoever saves one life saves the world’?
I’m writing what my heart believes to be true while cognizant that some may strongly disagree with my sentiments. Some may even condemn me for articulating ideas that are vastly different from how they were educated. The truth is I don’t have the absolute and verifiable answer. I, too, am uncomfortable with my own positions and realize the slippery slope my suggestions might bring. I’m not too proud to hear better solutions that actually work. But until that happens, sitting idly and hoping for a solution is certainly not an answer.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Jack
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