B"H
Sadly, the grass isn’t always greener elsewhere, but sometimes it is - my experience attending European shuls
Vacation time gives me the unique opportunity of visiting other shuls and Jewish communities. I’m not referring to big names synagogues; I’m referring to shuls that are often on life support and struggling. Of course, defining what characterizes success is subjective, thus, I will merely give my observations.
We spent a few days at the university city of Oxford. Since it was during a university break we were not met with a plethora of anti Israel rhetoric or encampments. Oxford University usually has a vociferous pro Palestinian community and in contrast makes American universities seem more balanced. However, what was of greater significance to me was the attitude of the Orthodox Synagogue in Oxford towards Israel. They publicly recite the prayer for King Charles, Queen Camilla and the royal family. However they intentionally omit the prayer for the State of Israel (as well as the prayer for Harry and Meghan). I was shocked and disappointed that a ‘modern orthodox’ shul was not overtly supportive of Israel. Furthermore, I was told they only started saying a prayer for the well being of the IDF after October 7th.
In other words Zionism and a pro Israel atmosphere is absent in the only modern orthodox synagogue in Oxford. This synagogue is under the auspices of the United Synagogues (an organization similar to the Orthodox Union). I can theorize that being the only synagogue in Oxford and catering to the diverse needs of the entire community forces them to shy away from political sentiments. I was told that a professor in Oxford who attends the synagogue regularly walks out when they pray for the soldiers. It’s still rather sad that after October 7th there isn’t consensus amongst Jews on the importance of Israel to the diaspora communities.
It gave me pause to reflect on how fortunate we are in Delray Beach. Our shul may have minor concerns but they seem so trivial in comparison. We occasionally may have visitors who are not pro Israel but they are individuals who don’t impact on the policies and direction of the shul.
We attended Shabbat services in Bordeaux, France. The edifice had magnificent bones and looked grandiose. Unfortunately, there is a continuing trend of young Jews moving from smaller French communities including Bordeaux to the larger French cities of Paris or Strasbourg. There are too few Jews in the smaller communities to support local Jewish schools or offer a meaningful social infrastructure for their children.
Much of Europe suffers from liberal policies that enabled an influx of refugees from Islamic countries. This policy turbo charged antisemitism and reawakened European Jewry to what happened from 1939 to 1945. Thousands of families regularly heed these warnings and decide to make Aliyah to Israel. This hastens the cycle of decline in Europe’s Jewish communities but its impact is especially dire for many of the smaller communities.
Even though both these synagogues face immense pressure to remain viable, their existence is still vitally important to their communities. Oxford is a very transient community and those who arrive from elsewhere need a Jewish presence that they can relate to, especially during these chaotic times. Whereas, Bordeaux has survived two world wars and still caters for the descendants of those families. The shul has marble stone carvings commemorating those who fought for their country and perished during the two wars.
However, one common denominator that seemed to be missing in both shuls was a lack of warmth or feeling of being welcoming. Instead of being outgoing and warm they were standoffish and unfriendly. Of course it may have been cultural nuances but nonetheless it wasn’t comfortable being in either shul.
I still remember a shul that my friends and I visited almost fifty years ago (I know I’m getting old) in Columbus, Ohio. We couldn’t find hotels near the shul and we walked four miles on Shabbat morning in hot, humid conditions. Immediately, upon our arrival in shul (no one knew ahead of time that we were attending) somebody led us to the kitchen to get drinks and cake. When the kiddush was about to start, someone made an announcement that we have visitors in shul today and please let them eat first. I was overwhelmed by their kindness and believe it was a formative experience that impressed upon me the importance of being friendly to visitors. We weren’t offering the community anything, we were six 19 to 21 year old boys visiting their city for a Shabbat. I’ll never forget the graciousness we received and I’m forever indebted to that community.
But we also attended a synagogue in Melilla, Spain. A city that is geographically connected to Morocco but owned by Spain. (No such thing as occupied territory). In Melilla there are seven orthodox Shuls and a Jewish day school and community center. We walked by the biggest Shul, imagining that it would be a synagogue that was a museum piece rather than an active Shul. We couldn’t get in and were ready to walk away when all of a sudden we see a man with a Kipah walking towards the Shul. He happened to be a community leader and opened the Shul so we can see it. We met the young rabbi from Mexico and they explained that have services every day in many of the shuls and on Shabbat they are all open. We then visited the school and were welcomed with open arms. Walking through the town we met a shopkeeper wearing a kipah and everyone we met were gracious and upset we weren’t staying for Shabbat.
I leave these three communities well aware of their differences but impressed by only the community of Mellila. From my experience it takes very little effort to say hello and Shabbat Shalom. I can’t stress the importance of making people feel that they are appreciated. Of course we shouldn’t say hello because we feel obligated, we should be welcoming because it’s the right thing to do. It happens to pay dividends as well. I can’t impress upon people the number of members who join one shul instead of another solely because one shul welcomed them and they felt at home. It takes so little effort to be nice and I am certain that this minor change would benefit those communities I visited. During my life I have prayed in many synagogues and I have never heard this complaint: “I hated that shul, everyone was so friendly”. I left these three communities well aware of their difficulties but honestly only the city of Melilla would I ever want to visit again.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Jack Engel
PS: After our experiences my wife, Miriam felt it was important that I share how we can improve the experience of visitors to our shul. It may be too difficult to invite visitors for Shabbat meals but it shouldn’t be difficult to:
1. Say Shabbat shalom and welcome any new person as soon as they enter shul. (I’ll give you dispensation for talking during the service).
2. Allow and encourage visitors to be first at the buffet line for kiddush.
3. Leave space at your table and ask the visitors to sit with you during kiddush.
4. If there is a program, lunch or dinner and reservations were required, make an exception for a visitor. There is always enough food for a few more people. Turning visitors away is telling them quite clearly that they are not wanted.
5. If you see someone walking into the building ask them if they are thirsty and get them a bottle of water.
6. Newcomers are often intimidated and shy and fear introducing themselves.
7. Think not what visitors can do for you, think what you can do for visitors. And the amazing thing is you can never know the impact you may have on others unless you try.
