delray beach orthodox rabbi

                                             
                                                                                            B"H
Being joyous during difficult times

Mishenichnas Adar marbin b’simcha - when the month of Adar commences, we should increase joy. If you ever attended a Jewish Day School, you would appreciate that they try to take this concept literally. My granddaughter in first grade told me that the big kids in fifth grade danced into her classroom singing. She couldn’t comprehend how this month is any different as she is joyous and happy all the time. I guess being six can do that to you.
 
But we are no longer six and our lives often go through extremely difficult periods when being joyous is impossible. Imagine the parents of hostages, can they really expect to be joyous when their child is being held captive in Gaza? Indeed, is it even possible? Should they go through the motions of being joyous even if it’s only for show?
 
Did you know that joy is not reserved for this month only as every day we are told to Ivdu et Hashem B’simcha - serve God with joy. If I have to be happy everyday how exactly am I supposed to increase my joy during Adar?
 
To be honest, this isn’t an issue that I usually contemplate but sitting on a plane for many hours requires some mental stimulation. Thus, I discuss a question fully cognizant that I may not have a good answer.
 
Nevertheless, I will allow my mind to ponder and search for a solution. Perhaps the answer lies in understanding that joy and sadness are not mutually exclusive. In the midst of joy there can be sadness and in the midst of sadness there can be joy. At a wedding when the groom breaks a glass they are intentionally incorporating sadness during the most happy day of their lives. Perhaps to fully appreciate joy it requires one to experience sadness; the contrast makes the joy that much richer. Recently I read a story of an 87-year-old rabbi who got married a second time. His wife was only 56. During his first marriage he never had children and finally at the age of 87 his wife gave birth to a baby boy. His joy of becoming a father and holding his baby was unimaginable. But his joy was directly related to his sixty plus years of sadness. 
 
A different way of understanding joy is found in a biblical verse that states u’semachtem lifnei Hashem Elokecha - that one should be joyous in front of their Lord. The rabbis explain that expressing joy before the Lord requires total subservience of Hashem. Therefore, with the exception of a few select individuals, everyone else could only observe others being joyous as they were unable to reach that level of subservience. Hence, the obligation of being joyous during the month of Adar is to allow life’s challenges to be handed over to God. To transfer all that is difficult to Him, and thus you will be free to experience only joy. I remember my mother telling me when she was very ill that she wished she could be a person that could transfer their anxiety to God. Alas, she wasn’t able to.
 
However, this form of joy would be elitist as most people will never be able to experience it. It seems counterintuitive that the rabbis’ would demand that when Adar commences we should increase joy knowing that very few would be able to fulfill their request.
 
Therefore, I would like to offer an alternative explanation in how to bring joy into our lives. In reality joy surrounds us on a daily basis, and we just choose to ignore it. On my flight today a flight attendant from southwest airlines was seated across the aisle. She was not flying on her airline and her ticket was a normal revenue ticket. The entire flight she was extremely complimentary to the flight attendants and even brought them a gift when she came on the flight. She explained to me that the service offered was far better than the service she offers her customers. I, on the other hand, found the service to be adequate but nothing out of the ordinary. And in truth we were both correct; she decided to find beauty and enjoy what I perceived as average and unworthy of praise. What the rabbis’ may have been saying is that instead of perceiving things in the way that I did, perhaps we have to find the beauty and enjoyment in the average. I can assure you that the flight attendants treated her far better than they treated me. So perhaps if you want to increase joy, be joyous to others and with others.
 
Have a joyous day,
 
Rabbi Jack Engel