delray beach orthodox rabbi

                                                                                      B"H
                       Death may be inevitable, but so is life.
 
I’m sitting on a plane flying to a funeral contemplating the meaning of life. Stepping onto hallowed cemetery grounds often sends my mind into overdrive, sort of like lying in bed when I am unable to sleep. I don’t count sheep because what’s the point? Instead, I am counting down to an inevitability we all have to face. I’m neither depressed nor morose. I’m obviously not delirious with joy, either. In sort of controlling my consciousness my brain wanders, delving into what is truly important and dismissing that which isn’t. For a brief few hours I contemplate life and death, my own mortality and what’s truly important. I am granted this precious time of solace and tranquility. I don’t turn on the TV and instead take a reprieve from the ongoing catastrophe in Ukraine. I stop thinking about the nonsensical and polarizing issues that have become my daily fare. It’s sort of like getting a gulp of 100% oxygen (albeit masked) that breathes new life to my brain and releases the toxins and poison that often penetrate my inner sanctum.
 
I choose not to contemplate death or worry about dying because I realize there is little to be accomplished in doing so. I try to think about life and how to use whatever time I have left with  purpose and meaning. I am cognizant that tomorrow is not guaranteed and want to make the most of today. Thankfully, I recognize I’m privileged as both my parents died at a relatively young age. But privilege comes with a responsibility to oneself and I’m grappling to figure out exactly what it is I’m hoping to achieve.
 
Sitting beside me (or on top of me may be more accurate) is a young man in his late 20’s. We chatted for a brief few moments and he told me he has no aspirations, purpose, or future. He works as a dishwasher and his sole enjoyment involves alcohol or drugs. He hates who he has become and uses these external stimulants to mask his pain and allow him to momentarily forget the absence of any upward trajectory. I don’t know if he would consider himself unhappy, yet his life certainly wouldn’t make me happy. I can’t fathom a happiness that would necessitate artificially altering reality.
 
I strive for happiness despite knowing that it can often be elusive. A month ago Ukrainians were relatively happy but in a fleeting moment their tranquility and security was forever altered. In baseball, basketball, and football it doesn’t matter how well you play, it's the final score that makes a champion. Now contrast that to the game of life, the final score is the equalizer and it only matters how well you played the game. We are so programmed to win that we fail to realize that in the most important game of all will all ultimately lose.
 
I love our children and grandchildren and they will hopefully carry on our legacy, but I can’t live vicariously through them. I may want them to visit and spend every weekend with us, but I know I’m being selfish as they must have their own lives. I love our grandchildren unconditionally and they reciprocate in kind but I know this too is a passing phase that they will soon outgrow. Life symbolically is like a flame; you can light new flames without diminishing the old. I will always be there for my family, but my happiness must be dependent on me and not anyone else.
 
We spend years preparing for death and an inadequately short time preparing for life. I grew up with an expression: “shrouds (burial garment) don’t have pockets.” In other words, no matter how much you try you can’t take anything with you. While it literally refers to money, symbolically it may be referring to life in general.
 
I continue to question the meaning of life even when I may be experiencing it without knowing. Paradoxically, the meaning of life continuously changes and success breeds failure as the goal posts are shifting as I write. It’s possible that the pursuit itself may be the goal. Death certainly opens the mind but thank God we get back to the grind and everything that was so complicated today gets placed on the back burner tomorrow. If I was ever to succeed in finding ultimate happiness, what would I do tomorrow? Ahh! Sleep should come easy tonight.
 
Shabbat shalom,
 
Rabbi Jack Engel
 
PS: This article is dedicated to the memory of Solange Jaffe. She epitomized the ideals of an eshet chayil, an inspiring woman of valor.