B"H
Will the Real “Yetziat Mitzraim” Please Step Forward?
I am going to share a story despite my awareness that the story I’m telling should not be shared. The story is belittling to women and highlights a systemic failure in stemming the tide of domestic abuse. I will nonetheless share it because I believe the greater good is served by doing so.
A young newly religious couple decided to relocate to an orthodox Jewish neighborhood. Although they were outwardly dressed in traditional orthodox garb they really didn’t have a good grasp of traditions and customs. When Passover arrived they knew that everyone had a traditional Seder and they, too, planned to have a Seder. The only problem was that they had no idea what it entailed. They set a beautiful table for the first night of Passover but they had no idea how to proceed. The husband then came up with a novel idea. He asked his wife to go next door and look through the window of their religious neighbor and watch how a Seder was organized. She would return home and they would proceed accordingly.
Lo and behold the familial bliss she anticipated observing from afar was not to be. As she watched, her neighbors were having a heated domestic challenge. With voices continuing to rise she could sense the situation spiraling out of control. Finally, the husband lifted his hand to his wife and the newly religious woman had seen more than enough, deciding she didn’t really want to have her own Seder. Upon entering her own home her husband asked her, what did you see? How should we run a Seder? She remained silent, unwilling to respond out of fear of what she imagined a Seder was supposed to entail. Her husband didn’t understand her reluctance and started raising his voice in anger, asking her to please tell him how to run a Seder. Yet she steadfastly refused and remained silent. The husband was now irate and was just about to raise his hand in anger. In utter dismay she says to her husband: If you already knew how to run a Seder why did you ask me to go next door?
Although there is a comical element to the story, domestic abuse is not a laughing matter. And it’s much more common than we would like to admit. Sadly, the orthodox community is not immune although it’s rarely spoken about or addressed. Often what goes on behind closed doors is vastly different than the perceived public displays of affection. Yet, my reason for mentioning this story is to highlight another form of domestic abuse that is permeating orthodox communities.
Recently a 26-year-old orthodox female influencer by the name of Dalia Oziel has brought to the forefront of the orthodox community the horrific plight of the agunah (the chained women whose husbands refuse to grant them a religious divorce called a get). She helped organize mass demonstrations in front of the homes of the recalcitrant husbands and managed to get the Beth Din on board. While husbands often remarry after a civil divorce, even if they have not given their first wives a get, women are in a more precarious situation. Without a religious divorce women can’t get remarried and are literally chained to their ex-husbands. Many husbands make excessive financial and custodial demands before they will consent to granting the get. The abuse may not be characterised as physical in nature but the mental strain is devastating. The ex-husband's behavior is deplorable and no less egregious than physical abuse.
I believe that the Torah portion we read last Shabbat and the Seder we are about to celebrate conjoin in making this single topic a most relevant discussion for Passover. Why does it take a 26-year-old woman to set the ball in motion? Why haven’t the rabbis and leaders of our generation taken the bull by the horn and solved this issue once and for all? There is no justifiable excuse for the rabbis remaining silent or leaders being ambivalent. The truth is that failed leadership is not unique to our generation. The Torah exhorts the members of the Sanhedrin and the leaders of the generation for leading their constituents astray. While rabbis are not infallible and make mistakes, that provides little comfort to the multitude of chained women still suffering.
And that brings up the deeper connection with the essence of the Seder. We are told that over Pesach we are to discuss the exodus from Egypt. In Hebrew the words are referred to as yetziat Mitzraim. While literally translated as “the exodus,” a deeper focus on the words may conjure up a significant new understanding. In the beginning of Sh’mot (the book of Exodus), the Torah mentions four languages of redemption. The first phrase of redemption is called v’hotzeiti or the same root as Yetziat Mitzraim. Now, this seems rather strange as the expression in the Torah is not referring to total emancipation of the Jewish slave. The idea of v’hotzeiti reflects on the bondage being slightly lessened - only a slight improvement in the oppressive nature of slavery.
And perhaps that’s exactly the message our sages wanted us to contemplate. The discussion at the table doesn’t talk about freedom; it discusses the gradual process of the removal of our shackles. We are not free until we utter the word l’shana habaah bnei chorin, or next year hopefully we will be fully emancipated. This year though we are still enslaved.
There is a parallel with the situation during Covid. My wife and I both had vaccines but as long as there are still people unvaccinated we can’t let down our guard. We are not free from Covid until everyone is free from Covid. The same is true regarding slavery and the theme of Pesach. We can’t ever be truly free when there are women who are being oppressed and abused by their husbands and religion.
During the Seder think of the essence of the word Exodus. Realize that in the English language it sounds so romantic, but when you dig deeper you realize that the exodus was merely the beginning of a process. It started with the realization that our people were enslaved and gradually worked through the tribulations of oppression. We are told to see ourselves as if we, too, were in the process of freedom but unable to actually grasp on to true freedom. Today, many women continue to be enslaved and it’s just wrong to remain silent. So before we conclude the Seder and sign off that next year we will be, let’s ensure that those women suffering from the bondage of oppression, will also be free.
Chag Sameach,
Rabbi Jack Engel
PS: While writing this article someone forwarded this:
Thankfully there are loopholes available to solve many pressing issues in Jewish law.
1. It’s forbidden to charge interest - Heter Iska (Rabbinic modification of interest income to investment income)
2. It’s forbidden to work the land of Israel during the sabbatical year - heter mechira - or the land is sold to an Arab
3. It’s forbidden to carry on Shabbat - building of an Eruv
4. You can’t walk more than a mile on Shabbat - Eruv Techumin - an Eruv that extends your boundaries
5. All debts are cancelled every seventh year - pruzbol (the transfer of the debt to the court)
6. Can’t own chametz on Pesach - sell the chametz to a non-Jew
7. It’s forbidden to cook on Yom Tov for Shabbat - Eruv Tavshilin alleviates the problem
8. Made a vow that makes you uncomfortable - nullification of vows and Kol Nidrei
9. Want to eat meat during the nine days - make a siyum
10. Want to eat during the fast of the first born - make another siyum
11. A women won’t agree to a get - heter meah rabbanan
12. A man refuses to give his wife a get - sorry there is nothing we can do. (When there is a rabbinic will, there is a rabbinic way. Sadly, it appears that on the issue of the chained woman there is minimal rabbinic will.)
